So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
