I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
