and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!