When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
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i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO