I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.