this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you