Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
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the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
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I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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