I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
