so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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