I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans