I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".