mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.