If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
