Some one left their pants in the elevator.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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