just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
