Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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