So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
