There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
