sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
