I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
