i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
