Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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