i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
