Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
