I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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