6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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