You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
