I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
