I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
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No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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