Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
