my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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