bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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