I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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