Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
