i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
