What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
