also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
