Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
