I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
