So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
