Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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