I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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