just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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