I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
