In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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