Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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