i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
