on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
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I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
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Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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