Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
