Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
