I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
