No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
