your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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