Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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