Midget sex pt 2 tonight
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
