I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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