just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
