Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
