You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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