You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
