The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
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I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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